Time to go back to work?

I got a mass text today for a mandatory meeting at work on Thursday. It also included a copy of what the owner has given, for us to sign, which mentions something about, if we are uncomfortable coming back to work, or refuse to, we will be considered a voluntary termination 😕 . I have Epilepsy, and research suggests that if we contract COVID-19, the fever could induce seizures, possibly fatal ones. A little background on this, when Epileptics get sick, and when women are on their periods, the threshold lowers to prevent seizures. In the past, even as something as small as a UTI has made me have seizures, even when taking my full dose of medication that day. So I am very uncomfortable with going back to work.

I am unsure what to do :/ . My Epilepsy comes from my temporal lobes, which causes me to have memory and focusing issues. At the current restaurant I work at, my hours had been cut before the lock down. I was also told by my boss, that if I can’t catch on soon, I am going to be let go. I had just been fired from another restaurant a week before, (a new boss came in, immediately hired 2 people from her last place of employment, and was cleaning house, she said I wasn’t a good fit, when the last boss said I was perfect there, so whatever to that 🙄 ) So being told that my other, now only, job was in jeopardy kind of broke me, I was going to work in a kind of panic now, which didn’t help me focus or think properly, I started messing up even more. But how am I supposed to remember things when I now only work one day a week?

I have a feeling I won’t be welcome there much longer anyways 😦 , this quarantine hasn’t helped me at all, I will be starting from rock bottom. I am not sure what to do. On top of memory issues, this quarantine now has presented the issue of having someone around to watch my boyfriends daughter. I would have had an issue anyway, once summer came, BUT it would have given me more time to prepare, since my boyfriend works an essential job, according to the re-open phases set by the governor, someone has to be here for her.

Ugh this is so annoying. I don’t feel appreciated anymore there, and there was one server who seemed to have an issue with me because I messed up. But I knew they were losing their patience with me. I have had this happen many times with previous jobs. They start losing patience with issues that my disability brings up, like missing days due to seizures, memory issues, all that jazz. Once that starts, it brings on the anxiety, which leads to panic attacks. At 2 previous jobs now, I have had to leave during my shift because of panic attacks, I would end up going somewhere to cry, and they would have to come look for me, or tell me to take a break to try to settle down. It makes me feel like a burden, like I am annoying everyone around me, like they don’t care. Once that all sets in, I start battling with the idea of quitting or not. But financial burdens make me stay, until I honestly can’t take it anymore.

As I said, stress brings on seizures. I can explain all about that in an other article. I am thinking though, that quarantine could end up being more of a blessing than a curse. I was able to start my blog for one, and as soon as unemployment comes in, I will have a good amount of cash to be able to help. Maybe I could also apply for disability, and hope I get approved. I have had many people ask what the hell I am doing working because of my disability. In Michigan you have to go 6 months without driving after a seizure, but I have bills to pay, and college to go to, so have ignored that, putting myself and others in danger.

I have only had one job that has been completely understanding about my disability and didn’t give me a hard time, they actually showed me compassion. Home Depot. I had heard rumors about how well they treat their employees and it is 100% true, at least at the location I was at. Everyone I met had worked there for years, some over 25 years, and worked at locations all across the country. One day I missed work due to a seizure. When I came back, my co-workers asked me why, and were very compassionate about it. I was working two jobs at that time, so I was exhausted, I fell asleep in the break room. I didn’t get in trouble for that, instead my supervisor was worried about me, she thought I had a seizure and was unconscious somewhere. She didn’t even make me go to my station right away, she told me to take my time and come back when I was ready to. Talk about making an employee feel appreciated, and welcome 🙂 . But I left that job shortly after getting there. I had been having seizures again, and found another job that was right around the corner from home, and paid $2 more an hour.

I am just thinking that I will just let this job go. It was in jeopardy, and they were going to let me go anyway. I will speak to my boss about it, but I think, FINALLY, I am going to put my health first. Nothing is more important than that, and I think I am finally starting to realize that.

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